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Humour

When a Governor Was Rebuked

From the Vishwaguru Archives: The Central Control Committee had an emergency meeting on the evening of January 30, 2024 to discuss the Tamil Nadu governor's statements on Mahatma Gandhi and Netaji Bose.

This is a work of fiction. Although it may appear closer to reality than fiction for some.

Though the mainstream media did not take much notice of Tamil Nadu governor R.N.Ravi’s formulations on Subhas Chandra Bose and Gandhi, his speaking out of turn did not escape notice of the Central Control Committee.

The CCC held an emergency meeting on the evening of January 30, 2024.

The following is the uncorrected transcript of the committee’s deliberations, circulated among the participants for comments, if any, and necessary action.

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The CCC met at 7 pm. A two-minute silence in memory of the great martyr Nathuram Godse was observed.

Nagpur Man: We have no fundamental quarrel with the Tamil Nadu governor’s observations but we cannot countenance this unauthorised outburst. A former bureaucrat cannot be the opening batsman in this “demolish Gandhi” project.

North Block member: In politics there is something called timing. It was absolutely the wrong time for the governor to blurt out what he did. We are bending over backward trying to create a Ram Mandir euphoria and here is this man going off on a tangent.

South Block proxy: The Boss has repeatedly emphasised that before starting a new controversy or unveiling a  revised history project, there should be widespread internal consultations. In any case, this “Demolish Gandhi” is a project for the third term. We believe the governor must be properly disciplined.

[The North Block member asked to be connected to the governor, who is travelling out of the state. After some delay, the governor was located.]

North Block member: We are all here in the Central Control Committee and there is a feeling that you should not have started this Gandhi/Bose hoo-ha. Do you have any comments for us?

Governor: I thought it was a good time to test the waters. Just as when some time ago, the Hon’ble Home Minister had called Gandhi “a chatur bania” and he backed off when there was an adverse reaction. My understanding is that there are no negative comments on my observations. I feel I have reason to feel vindicated —

Nagpur Man (intervening angrily): This is the bloody problem when intelligence officers start meddling in matters entirely political. Is it not enough that the NSA has been allowed to poke his nose in other people’s businesses? Must now another former IB chap be setting the political agenda?

Misinformation Cell representative: Exactly, Shriman.  It is a simple rule in the war of misperceptions that before we put out a counterfeit narrative, we must ensure that there is some semblance of truth and that the person putting out the counterfeit narrative enjoys some credibility. Now this man says he has read some old documents in the IB archives. Suppose the secular camp gets another former IB or RAW chief (and they seem to be crawling all over the place) to call his bluff? Then, a very important and potent point in favour of Bose and against Gandhi would be lost.

Boudhik Kosh prathinidhi: I think by now we all must have realised how difficult and long-drawn a task it is to create a false fact. To label the Gandhi-led freedom movement a non-event in such a casual manner is sheer stupidity. As has already been observed, this is not the task for a former policeman.

It cannot be denied that for 70 years the country has been told, day in and day out, that it was the Indian National Congress and Mahatma Gandhi which led the freedom struggle. And, since we are here among friends, it is also a fact that the Sangh had made only a very limited contribution.

North Bloc representative: All these years, that is before 2014, our friends had made such a shrill case for unsealing the so-called “Bose Papers”. This has now been done and it has turned out to be a case of a mountain and a mole hill. The point is that Bose is a very weak peg to hang our saffron shirt on. Our friends in West Bengal overstate and over-sell Bose. If the country has moved beyond Nehru, how can the Bengalis remain stuck on Bose?

Nagpur man: There is something to this. After all, how Bose was different from Gandhi was that he was willing and did use violence and force in support of his ideology. This does not particularly impress the Bengalis who have been subjected to all kinds of violence – first by the CPM and now by the TMC – in pursuit of ideological objectives.

South Bloc proxy: We can keep on talking; but let us stop. I want to make it clear that we do not need Bose. And, we do not need to demolish Gandhi either. We shall simply keep on relegating him to the background. The average Hindu must not be given any reason to think negatively of us. Let Gandhi rest peacefully at Rajghat. We now have Ram and – with great humility and pride— I say, we have our own Mahatma.

Atmanirbhar irregularly contributes a column, From the Vishwavguru Archives, and believes that ridicule and humour are central to freedom of speech and expression.