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My Safe Space Is In My Head

Getting to my safe space involves grabbing a chair, sitting on it and closing my eyes.

I think of a safe space

And the lights in the room turn off

I’m back on my bed, with a blanket over my head

At least for that moment,

I’ve dissolved into the cotton sheets

That still stink of my tears from last night

Yes, I cry.

I snivel, I howl

I whimper, I scowl

But, all in these sheets

I dump all my insecurities

Knitted together with fear

As the pillow sinks, with the gravity

Of the abandoned, unspoken thoughts that dwell in my intellect

This dark, yet so warm room

Is my safe space

Where I inhale, assured

That there IS no judgement or any Spartan comment

Shoved, into my lungs

Where I exhale, aware

Of the fact that the stink of my breath will not reveal my orientation

Political or sexual.

 

You know the best part?

In this safe space, it doesn’t matter

If I talk before I think or

I think before I talk

Because the words I speak,

They float, so remote

And dissipate, into thin air

With this warm blanket enveloping my soul,

I am untouched, I am safe.

And the deal was done until someone

Asked me, “From whom?”

Wait. Oh.

From whom have I been running?

Who is ahead of this chase?

When I myself am scratching

My wounds in a million ways

 

Too consumed I was

In embellishing

Tying pretty letters

Into a necklace of poetry

Before I caught myself

Choking on my own diamonds

 

The reality perhaps, is not physical

My safe space, dear

Is not fenced

At the boundaries of a warm blanket

Or the periphery of my room

It is, indeed, beyond

My insecurities, my fears that

The society forced down my guts

 

It’s not on the roads that are filled with hawks

Who stare UP my skirt and DOWN on me.

It’s not around sirens

That shout so loud, and yet, disappear

Before you know.

 

My safe space is quite ironic, in fact

I say it’s beyond but it’s only here

My mode of transport is

  1. shutting my lids
  2. Grabbing a chair
  3. Sitting on it.

So hold this precious moment

And breathe

Now relax,

And answer me

Is there any place safer,

Where you’d rather be?

Megha Kaul is a 19-year-old studying literature at Lady Shri Ram College, Delhi University. Find her on Instagram @demented_desires

Featured image credit: Max Hofstetter/Unsplash