New Delhi: Are you a criminal? In India, you might be if your dog misses its walk, you fail to paint a number on your boat, or you fly a kite that “might cause alarm.”These are not jokes. A new study by the Vidhi Centre for Legal Policy, titled ‘The State of the System,’ found they are actual crimes, buried in India’s tangled laws. The report reveals a state that inherited its colonial predecessor’s instinct to control and command. For many, the law is now a source of fear, not a guarantee of freedom.The report found 7,305 separate crimes in India’s central laws. These are spread across 370 statutes, meaning nearly half (42%) of all national laws carry criminal penalties.Most of these are not serious crimes. Over 75% have nothing to do with public safety. Instead, they are buried in the rules of daily governance, regulating shipping, taxes, and town councils. The criminal law, meant to be a shield against great harm, has become the state’s sword for enforcing minor rules.A theatre of the absurdThe report’s details read like a theatre of the absurd, where punishment has no relation to the crime.Consider this: rioting can land you in prison for two years. But making a false statement on a birth certificate can get you three.Imprisonment is the default punishment. Of the 7,305 crimes, 73% (5,333) can lead to jail. Over 2,000 carry sentences of five years or more, and 983 have mandatory minimum terms, leaving judges no room for discretion. The state can even seek the death penalty for 301 different offences, including non-violent military crimes like a sentry sleeping on duty.By contrast, modern alternatives like community service exist for just eight crimes.Fines are just as arbitrary. Fouling a public spring costs Rs 5,000, while making the air noxious to health – a wider public harm – costs only Rs 1,000. Under new Bharatiya Nyay Sanhita, a person guilty of culpable homicide can be fined, but someone responsible for a dowry death cannot, revealing a stunning lack of principle.A chilling effect on life and businessThis legal overreach is not just academic. It does real harm. It creates a climate of fear that undermines the government’s goal of “ease of living.” A simple failure to answer a town notice can lead to criminal charges.For small businesses, this legal minefield is a death knell to “ease of doing business.” Hundreds of rules criminalise minor mistakes – late paperwork, small accounting errors, or “obstructing” an inspector. Entrepreneurs must spend time and money avoiding prosecution instead of innovating and creating jobs.The justice system pays the final price. With 34.6 million criminal cases pending and prisons at 131% capacity, the system is breaking. By clogging it with trivial offences, the state ensures that real justice is neither swift nor certain.A challenge to the stateThe report is timely. The government is preparing a new bill, the Jan Vishwas 2.0, to decriminalise minor offences. The report is both a guide and a challenge to this effort.Naveed Mehmood Ahmad, a lead author, said the goal is to show “how overly reliant we are on criminal law as a tool of governance and [to advocate] for decriminalisation of minor offences and rationalisation of punishments in a principled manner.”The question is whether the government will perform deep surgery on these colonial-era laws, or merely apply a bandage. The path forward requires a new mindset: to stop criminalizing every mistake and to rebuild the relationship between the citizen and the state on a foundation of trust, not fear. India must choose whether to remain a nation of potential criminals, haunted by its past, or to become a modern, liberal democracy.