Let’s start with a confession. The only, only thing I’ve ever been terrified of, are cockroaches. I’m dead serious, so please don’t laugh. I’ve spent four decades dodging bullets in conflict zones; been blindfolded and taken into terrorist hideouts; but the sight of a roach makes me freeze with fright. I even shut my eyes each time I see a ‘pesticide’ advertisement on television but sigh, there’s now no way of avoiding the brown army.It’s crawling all over the internet and has been given legitimacy by none other than Surya Kant, the chief justice of India. Just how do you avoid the Cockroach Janta Party (CJP), an army that has added millions to its ranks and lit a firestorm that is showing no signs of being contained? I can tell you this – and I have spent a lifetime trying to block sewers – there is no foolproof method to contain the pests. I’ve tried my hardest best: bought mesh for bathroom and kitchen drains, invested large sums in buying the largest cans of ‘Hit’ which promise to suck the hidden creatures out, but man, they have a survival instinct and sure know how to evade the ‘system’. Their antennas are not just creepy, they’re super sharp.Also read: Wit Is DissentThe CJP calls itself ‘lazy’ and ‘unemployed’ but the cockroach is everything but lazy. It knows the innards of my home and just when I begin to heave a sigh of relief and declare my kitchen pest-free, I see a small one wagging its antenna in the bathroom. And you won’t believe, where? The other day, I found a little one on the bristles of my toothbrush. There seems to be no way to brush the cockroach away.Yelp. Help. I screamed and ran. Yes, that’s what the sight of the vermin does to me. When I’m able to breathe again, I reach out for the cans of cockroach-kill sprays. The cans are always at hand and have been placed in every nook and corner of the home. I have my own nuke arsenal but I must confess – for the second time, damn – that it’s a losing battle.Believe you me, cockroaches aren’t lazy. They, in fact, are both tactical and strategic. They don’t have a bone in their bodies – mean or not – and can scurry at great speed. They scoot and find hideouts faster than you can imagine. Illustration: The Wire, with Canva.I’ve tried the broom. I’ve tried ‘Hit’ and followed the advice pasted on the can: spray under the refrigerator, near the dustbin, under the gas cylinder and into the sink, but no, they refuse to be permanently hit. I’ve switched brands and tried Mortein which comes with a long nozzle. The company promises a 100% kill, and while I’ve often been smug seeing them writhe and succumb, belly up, back down – or is it top down? – the satisfaction has never lasted more than a few days.They have an annoying habit of coming right back. You can ban them on X, but heck no, there are other X factors. You can take down their website and make them feel threatened but they’re so numerically strong – outnumbering the Bharatiya Janata Party (BJP) and the Congress put together – they’ll crawl from under a crevice. A new handle, a new account, a new reel.Who would ever have thought a cockroach would make a mighty government reel? Not in my wildest imagination – and mine is fertile – did I ever think that a roach would add to the weight of the Intelligence Bureau (IB). The IB, tasked to track and be forever alert about the movement of terrorists (real, not reel ones), now sees a fresh threat to national security. The unarmed, online-only CJP, now threatens our existence and hell, yes, the ruling elite has even found a ‘foreign hand.’I’m not Gen Z but as a member of Gen Past, I can confirm that the ‘foreign hand’ theory was first invented by Indira Gandhi. Don’t roll your eyes. I’m talking about Mrs G, not Jawaharlal Nehru, the first prime minister, responsible for most of our great country’s problems, past, present and the many that lie in the future.But it is the present that the CJP is focused on. So what if its convenor, Abhijeet Dipke is based in Boston? The miles have not come in the way of the fire he has lit. He’s got wit and satire; important implements that have given vent to frustrated graduates, who have graduated but still not graduated in life, if you know what I mean. He’s speaking up for the youth – and the middle-aged and the seniors; of which the politically established Mahua Moitra and Manish Sisodia are prime examples – and he’s speaking a language, millions in India understand, even if the ‘Republic’ doesn’t. He’s pointing a mirror to the times, not ‘times now’.Also read: But, Your Honour, Cockroaches Are Important InsectsHow dare a cockroach – who appeared on social media, just as the chief justice had predicted it would – become an ‘Insta’ rage. I’m not saying Instagram because the roach has become so dreaded, it would be unfair to weigh it in grams!How far will the cockroach travel? Well, clearly, difficult to predict. The attempts to squish it are on. Operation Kill Cockroach has been launched and just when you think the anti-national law is being invoked, the slimy brown parasite darts across the boundary and goes all the way for a six. “We are back,” it tells us and reminds us of the importance of the survival instinct.It is funny isn’t it. Ironic, actually. First, they came for the comedians. Enraged members of muscle-armies wreaked havoc long after Kunal Kamra had recorded his show and left. Now, they’re coming straight at satire as if it were a drone dropping drugs and weapons across the line of control.Control bhai. Show some humour. Everyone is not an Urban Naxal. Yes, yes, we know Naxalism has been defeated. We heard you make the grand announcement. We heard the sound of bugle. You should hear it too. Don’t close your eyes, or your eyes. Focus on the message, not the messenger, dear ‘SIRs’. We know the message is not ‘Melody’. NEET 2026 has been cancelled and re-examination is announced but a new examination is on. A new note has been struck. The ‘Janta’ is awakening and as a popular Bollywood song goes, “Abhi toh ‘party’ shuru hui heh… (The party just got started).”Time truly for some introspection and self-examination.I’m doing just that. Examining and overcoming my fear of cockroaches. Especially the online ones.Harinder Baweja is a journalist and author of the recently published book, They Will Shoot You Madam: My Life Through Conflict.