A Bharat Ratna a Week for the Next Two Months

From the Vishwaguru Archives: Let editorial writers vent their disapproval at this “cheapening” of the award, there is positive excitement over the imaginative use the prime minister has made of the Bharat Ratna to garner a few, petty political advantages.

This is a work of fiction. Although it may appear closer to reality than fiction.

The central committee for success (CCS)—a high-level, influential monitoring body set up by the Hon’ble prime minister, met on February 10 in a regular session, a monthly ritual to take stock of the changing political landscape. As per the protocol, the meeting was off the books – no record, no notes, no information, and of course no PIB press release; not even, an ANI report.

There was a sense of admiration and awe at the way the prime minister had moved on various fronts with dexterity and panache. While there was no particular jubilation over his two recent parliamentary performances [routine and predictable, as one participant muttered inaudibly], there was positive excitement over the imaginative use the prime minister has made of the  “Bharat Ratna’ awards to garner a few, petty political advantages.

The Big Boss proxy revealed the thinking at the highest level: let editorial writers vent their disapproval at this “cheapening” of the award but anything and everything that helps in getting over the Lok Sabha majority line will be pursued. He said, “If I can paraphrase the boss’s thought process, it goes like this:  “We are not bothered with constitutional protocols, sanctity of traditions and all that bakwas (rubbish) the Khan Market gang keep talking about; we have the will to prevail and  shall do whatever it takes to get a third term.” 

The CCS participants were suitably impressed at this brutal clarity at the highest level.  They were further impressed that the Big Boss has, up its sleeve, a few more Bharat Ratna announcements: 

Jayalalitha: To blunt the allegation of being anti-South, as also to entice the wobbly and confused All India Anna Dravida Munnetra Kazhagam (AIADMK) voter.

Balasaheb Thackrey: This will be the last nail the coffin of the Udhav Thackrey faction. The entire Sharad Pawar-alliance will collapse. 

Devraj Urs: The final appropriation of the ‘social justice’ plank. Karnataka will be in the pocket. Siddaramaiah can come to Delhi and do his tamasha, but we shall be eloping with the tallest Kannadiga leader.

Also read: A Secret Report Lauds the Indian Media

Shyama Prasad Mukherjee: Not only would it be reminder to the BJP karyakarta that former Prime Minister Atal Bihari Vajpayee did not give the founder of our party the highest honour, it will also endear us to the bhadralok constituency which still remains loyal to Mamta Banerjee. 

Biju Patnaik: We shall be able to knock off Navin Patnaik from his smug love affair with the Oriya voter. We shall steal the father from the son and many more Lok Sabha seats from Orissa. 

The CCS was given to understand that no one should be surprised if one Bharat Ratna a week was announced before the model code of conduct comes into play. 

Yet many CCS members were curious to know why so much trouble is being taken when the Prime Minister has already declared that the BJP would win more than 370 seats in the next Lok Sabha.  

The Big Boss Proxy: “That is where nobody has ever been able to de-code the sheer street-smartness of the Boss’ grand strategy. You create this massive perception, with those silly Pavlovian dogs in the media echoing the inevitability of a Modi wave. They fall over one another in serenading this or that master-stroke by the prime minister. They openly permit themselves to say how clever and brilliant our man is; and, by the same token, they have good reason to find the opposition in a disarray.

“Here is the secret [not to be whispered outside this room]: once the overwhelming perception of an unstoppable Modi wave gets cast in stone, then we have practically fixed the ‘mood of the nation.’ And then nobody will want to call out our “misuse” of the system [with due apologies to Justice Sinha, of the Indira Gandhi case fame]. Even the courts will look the other way, what to talk of the Election Commission. My own gut feeling is that after the Prime Minister’s “370” declaration, this business of the electoral bonds will remain on the judicial back-burner or even be decided in our favour. It is the law of the power jungle that no one wants to take a panga with a sure ‘winner’. And the cherry on the cake will be that the media will pat itself on the back for being so precise and accurate in predicting a Modi wave.

The CCS was once again in awe of the unending tricks the Big Boss has up his sleeve. They all felt it was time that he should give himself a Bharat Ratna.

Atmanirbhar is the pen-name of an aspiring satirist, who irregularly contributes a column, From the Vishwavguru Archives, and believes that ridicule and humour are central to freedom to speech and expression.