Director Kayoze Irani, son of actor Boman Irani, might be a fan of the Hollywood action-thrillers set in the middle-east. It might be the reason why I was reminded of films like Zero Dark Thirty (2012), Body of Lies (2008) and TV series Homeland (2011-2020) while watching Irani’s feature debut, Sarzameen. These films/shows valourise and sympathise with American national security agencies like the CIA (Central Intelligence Agency) and the US armed forces. They have been criticised for (sometimes unintentionally) legitimising the American invasion of Iraq and Afghanistan, and characterising the locals in simplistic hues as barbarians and/or victims. It’s clear that Irani hasn’t grappled with the curdling reputation of such films/shows that inspired his debut, because he showcases similarly problematic politics in his own venture. It fits like a glove, of course. Divided by international borders, united by our effort to prioritise sleek, sexy thrills over nuanced, empathetic narratives.Irani, who earlier made a short film in the 2021 Netflix anthology, Ajeeb Dastaans (which was sweet and sincere, if I’m being honest) is completely out of his depth here. You can see the Kathryn Bigelow inspiration in sequences when the camera cuts to night-vision, the frenetic ‘hacking’ scenes by a shadowy figure code-named ‘Mohsin’ with all the amateurish contrivances of Hollywood blockbusters like Swordfish (2002). There’s a plot-line that is reminiscent of The Devil’s Own (1997) and Mission Kashmir (2001). It’s a hodgepodge of influences, allegiances, political views – none of which Sarzameen seems capable of resolving on its own. A sequence hints that the film was shot in 2023, and by the end of its runtime it becomes clear why the film has been sitting on Dharma’s shelf for nearly two years, and hasn’t got a theatrical release. A still from ‘Sarzameen’.Vijay Menon (Prithviraj Sukumaran) is responsible for the security of Kashmir valley. He’s the kind of army man, who is introduced as ‘the best’ by a superior, and yet directs missions from the control room in the daftest fashion. When he realises his platoon is walking into a trap, his orders to retreat are paid no heed to. So, he does the next best thing, by jumping into the field himself. You already know Irani isn’t serious about the film, because he chooses to name the two militants: Qabil (KC Shankar) and Abil (Rohed Khan) – like Kashmir’s evil Thompson & Thompson – minus the self-awareness. Vijay Menon is a star in his regiment, ‘outwitting’ militants not afforded a single brain cell by the screenwriters. But he’s ashamed of his son, Harman (Ronav Parihar), an introverted, shy teenager, low on confidence because of a stammer. We’re told that Menon was brought up by a tough father, and hence is ashamed of his son’s frailty. Harman is understandably the moon and stars of his mother’s eye, Meher (Kajol), an actor stuck in the role of an overprotective, nagging, intensely-affectionate mother for the last 15 years. The entire militancy problem of Kashmir is reduced to a family melodrama around Vijay Menon. Apparently, there are no powers above him in the region as he singlehandedly negotiates the release of militants in exchange for his abducted son. After he lets one of them go, there’s no mention of it in the rest of the film – no inquiry, no court martial proceedings. Instead, he gets promoted. However, this small stretch is the only bright, promising bit in the film. After Vijay Menon chooses his country over his son, he lives with the information that he’s martyred his son. Only, eight years later, a safehouse raid reveals that Harman is, in fact, alive. Is he the same Harman who left home – under-confident, low self-esteem, desperate for his father’s love? The grown up, 21-year-old Harman is played by Ibrahim Ali Khan, whose frozen expressions initially work for his character, who is supposed to look distant, cold, still grappling with the reality around him. The shy teenager has turned into a young man doing single-handed push-ups.A still from ‘Sarzameen’.Khan, whose first film Nadaaniyaan (2025) was a subject of ridicule with good reason, might be one of the most determined non-actors. This becomes clear with his second release. The mystery around Harman’s loyalties safeguard his cipher-like expressions, but after a reveal comes, his performance seems less expressive than the snow-capped mountains behind him. He’s good for posing outside gyms, restaurants, but even the slightest bit of acting is probably too much.Sukumaran, who has oscillated between playing the actor and star, is found in no-man’s land in this. It’s such a poorly-written thriller that his pedigree as a professional starts to look ridiculous. His regiment keeps getting anonymous leads sent from an ‘unknown server’ – and nobody bats an eye as Menon gives his orders based on them. Jitendra Joshi plays a token Muslim Indian army person, Ahmed; It is the filmmaker’s way of saying “We’re not Islamophobic”, even though he indulges in the stereotype of making Menon’s local Kashmiri neighbours sleeper cells.Even the bigotry in Irani’s film is unremarkable. It fetishises Muslim culture, by including a qawwali song in its opening stretch, but also appears to be scared to properly showcase it. A Muslim character’s death results in them getting cremated (a Hindu ritual), instead of a burial. Someone in the film talks about being indoctrinated after seeing the horrific killings of their loved ones – stated in the same passive language like some renowned publications have been doing while covering genocides in the last two years. The closing credits of the film appear in English, Devanagari, but not in Urdu. It could be a conscious omission, or just garden-variety unprofessionalism.It doesn’t matter that the director comes from a minority community himself. In Bollywood’s corridors of power – we’re all walking on egg shells, trying to succeed in a dishonest, corrupt, communal nation. We’ll have to settle for the director’s vanilla tribute to those fallen in Kashmir: army personnel and civilians. A critique of the armed forces might be a distant dream, but at least an under confident film is getting on a topical bandwagon to hide its narrative craters.*Sarzameen is streaming on Jio+Hotstar