Mike Brett and Steve Jamison’s Next Goal Wins (2014) on the “worst football team in the world” held a few surprises. Charting the journey of the American Samoa national team, which was at the bottom of the FIFA ranking and searching for a win for almost a decade after infamously losing 31-0 to Australia in 2001, the documentary became a touching ode to the strivers of the world.Most underdog films end with winning, but the stakes here were significantly lower. The president of the Football Federation of American Samoa (or FFAS) keeps telling his players that he wants to see them score just one goal. The idea is to do one’s best rather than necessarily win, an interesting thought for a sports film. And to do this, they hire Thomas Rongen, of Dutch origin but based largely in America. Like any other fish-out-of-water story, Rongen resents the assignment at first, but later comes to terms with the warmth of the local community and the unspoken spirit of his team. It’s a story that could stir even the most cynical among us.The premise almost feels handmade for someone like Taika Waititi, known for his earnest films – Jojo Rabbit – with plenty of quirk. Like he does in most of his films, Waititi appears in this feature film adaptation of the 2014 documentary, warning us he’ll tell the story with few embellishments. Like in most of his work, the pitch of Waititi’s adaptation is decidedly silly and jovial. The film characterises the American Samoans as a happy, self-sufficient community, while Rongen (played by Michael Fassbender) is the grumpy mainlander, who can’t wrap his head around why his team is so laid back even after facing defeat so regularly.Waititi’s sketch-writing ability is never in question, he’s one of the best in the business. Like in the first scene where we meet Rongen, where he’s being fired from his current employment, with the only option being to coach the American Samoan football team. We’ve seen a version of this in many films, but what elevates it is the humour in it by director Waititi and co-writer Iain Morris. As Rongen tries to persuade the panel to change their decision, we hear a presentation about the five stages of grief. Similarly, we see the character of Ace (David Fane) as the outrageously even-tempered local coach, who “hates” pressure. It’s a low-hanging fruit of a character, but Fane acts so beautifully, it’s impossible to resist his charms.Fassbender, who came out of his acting sabbatical only a few months ago in David Fincher’s The Killer (2023), is in good form. His first words on the island are Liam Neeson’s legendary monologue from Taken (2008). However, you do get a sense that Rongen’s character might have made more of an impact as a supporting character. It’s understandable that for a studio to back a project with a primary cast filled with American Samoan actors, they would insist on a recognisable face. Fassbender is more than competent at playing the fool here, but there’s only so much you can do to reinvent the bitter, alcoholic coach with rage issues. No one from the team, especially Rongen’s evolving dynamic with them, gets anything particularly memorable to do.And then there’s the character of Jaiyah (Kaimana) – the only trans player on the team. She is one of the quieter, almost incidental portions in the 2014 documentary, but over here Waititi and Morris bring her front-and-centre, to slap us with their progressive values. There’s an unnecessary scene when Rongen bullies her, by calling her by her dead name. It’s such an unsubtle writing device to make sure Rongen and Jaiyah come around after that moment of brief conflict, that it’s almost shocking. Then there’s the meta-commentary of Rongen watching Al Pacino’s fiery monologue from Any Given Sunday (1999) on the night before a match, amusing at first, but also hinting at the fatigue around the locker-room monologues.Despite the ephemeral impact of Waititi’s choices, there are two moments that really hit home. One where Rongen shows he trusts his team by telling them about his grief. What could have been a sappy scene otherwise, Fassbender lifts up by being heartbreakingly sincere. Another is when Gail (Elisabeth Moss), Rongen’s icy ex-wife, calls him for a night-cap, and completely changes our perception from before.However, two adequate scenes and a few jokes don’t make a summer. Waititi’s Next Goal Wins barely lives up to being a crowd-pleaser in the end. To take a documentary that flipped the underdog sports drama template, and turn it into a warm, saccharine Hollywood product feels like a disservice. I’d be up for Taika Waititi’s whimsy on most days, but only if it had some insight to go with it. It’s true that you miss 100% of the shots you don’t take, but adaptations like these are simply not worth the effort. I’d rather go watch reruns of (the first two seasons of) Ted Lasso.